My Addiction

I’ve spent a lot of my time in yearning.
Wishing that I was back in your arms and on your chest with your fingers tangled in my hair.
That physical comfort grounding me in a psychological way so I could take on the world.
My hand in yours, taking on the world together.
Two minds figuring out how to make the other stronger.
Love so pure and overt we couldn’t contain it.
We spent our time infecting those around us with our uncontrollable feelings for each other.
Those nights spent unearthing the other’s past and we dug to find out who we were, then putting the pieces together in a beautiful vision of our future.
Conflict never took complete control because it never seemed worth it to be the winner at the cost of what we would defeat.

I miss you so much.
The worst of the withdrawal is over but the cravings are intense.
I’ve never experienced such an addiction and I fear it’s getting the best of me.
“I” know that I should let you go but how do “I” go about explaining that to “me” who would do anything to satisfy this craving again?
Give me that future we had drawn. Give me that promised love I’ve been waiting on. Give me that commitment that… wait.

Now I remember why I’m here.
You couldn’t get over that nagging fear of what would happen if you drank that beer, and I wasn’t around. Why am I still fighting so hard to hold onto you when I wasn’t enough for you to fight for?
The drug never gives more to the consumer than it takes away.
Why did I take that first dose when I knew that this would be the outcome?

If I could go back to that very first time, where I accepted that dose under stars and moonlight.
I’d turn my head to the side
And force myself to live a sober life.