3 Years

It's been over three GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING years.
It was only so long ago you left me so fucking selfishly.
I LOVED you,
Assuming this makes any constellation,
Not like you'll be coming back.
After all your fucking promises. All you said.
Those endless nights staying on the phone,
watching over each other as they slept.
You attempt and come back.
YOU GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.
I shake as I think about you
my head is an endless mess that cannot be put together,
only because you had just up and gone.
And I can't even say you're gone because I don't know.
You won't tell me.
What if he's alive or dead?
Would you rather it was you instead?
YES. End my life to give him time to live and love.
Get rid of someone he DIDN'T care about.
Make him happy,
Let him live his life.
I'm selfish for trying to pull him back.
What am I supposed to do when it hurts my heart so much.
As to even hear his name.
To wish to feel his skin.
To hear his voice.
To see his face.
His face of which has melted from my mind as it has from his bone.
Now what do I do?
Just sit here?
Just cry over him?
Just be helpless as I was the day?
Just simply rant and write to get the pain of him to go away?
HOW MANY WORDS MUST I TYPE
My point will never get across.
I'm sorry.