I Don't

I don’t wish amongst the stars
I don’t dream in color

I don’t plan our future together
Though it makes me wonder

I don’t admire the roses
I don’t whisper in your ear

I don’t read your letters
Still wishing you were here

I don’t plant any flowers
I don’t cook any meals

I don’t stop when it bleeds
Wishing my veins were steal

I don’t drink any water
I don’t eat any food

I don’t explore new things
Fearing I might intrude

I don’t invest my time
I don’t breathe the summer air

I don’t joke with my friends
Longing to even care

I don’t do many things anymore
I can’t bring myself to do it

I need to find a way out
How badly I want to quit

This bottle of pills look better
Each and every day I cry

One day I’ll find the courage
I just don’t want to die