deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dinosaurs
I see the bulldozer hidden in the trees.
Its reptile mouth yawning, waiting, ready.
Its yellow skin flaking away
revealing the rusting sores beneath,
dried mud caked to its plated feet.
I know that with the morning
it will snort, scream, and raise its ugly head.
It will scrape away the shades of green
that wild things need to see.
Monsters must be fed.
-blue
Its reptile mouth yawning, waiting, ready.
Its yellow skin flaking away
revealing the rusting sores beneath,
dried mud caked to its plated feet.
I know that with the morning
it will snort, scream, and raise its ugly head.
It will scrape away the shades of green
that wild things need to see.
Monsters must be fed.
-blue
Published 10th Jun 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
Excellent imagery, very vivid. I like the entire metaphor of the poem.
If I had a criticism then it would be small, but the penultimate line I think is weak. It kind of falls flat for me, perhaps something more for want of a better word violent would be appropriate, and then you hit home with "Monster must be fed". Wouldn't they need to more than see the green? Just my opinion.
I'm not sure if commenting on the video is appropriate or expected but it kinda poses some interesting questions to me. This takes the piece into a strong performance art direction which I found a little distracting but maybe that's because I'm not really used to visual accompanying poems. In addition, I don't know if it's deliberate but the pauses between each line seemed like an eternity, which gives it a Powerpoint slideshow presentation feel, taking away some of the impact. Overall though, it's great to see how technology can be used to bring an additional level of creativity and writer/reader interactivity to poetry.
If I had a criticism then it would be small, but the penultimate line I think is weak. It kind of falls flat for me, perhaps something more for want of a better word violent would be appropriate, and then you hit home with "Monster must be fed". Wouldn't they need to more than see the green? Just my opinion.
I'm not sure if commenting on the video is appropriate or expected but it kinda poses some interesting questions to me. This takes the piece into a strong performance art direction which I found a little distracting but maybe that's because I'm not really used to visual accompanying poems. In addition, I don't know if it's deliberate but the pauses between each line seemed like an eternity, which gives it a Powerpoint slideshow presentation feel, taking away some of the impact. Overall though, it's great to see how technology can be used to bring an additional level of creativity and writer/reader interactivity to poetry.
