"The Mother You were not."

When I looked into your eyes
I could tell something was wrong
I was Begging for Your Attention
But instead, You neglected for
so long

It seems your were never there
You never really tried
And every time I wanted to be with you
You would make up some stupid lies

I feel as if I'm just your child because
of Happenstance that you hated being
around and You don't even try to
pretend

Don't say you love me with that dreadful
tone; it doesn't make since why you never
answered your phone

Its Pathetic to know You had two daughters
that You had nothing to do with either of;
that truly makes me wonder

Sure our family had problems but not that
bad that you can ignore
So if you expect me to stick around...

"Fuck You; I'll walk out the door,"

You wonder why I lived with dad
At least he tried
Daddy has always cared about me
Did you know how much this made me cry

I feel like you were dead
Because you were never there
How is that fair

I know I hurt you as a kid
But your boyfriends always
Came before me
That's bull shit Mom
You should have paid attention to me

It was always poor poor pitiful you
Always had problems
You would tell me them
Like I was supposed to stop them

You never called
Just to see how we were doing
It was hard not to cry
Knowing my mother was barely around
I saw girls so close to there mother's

But it was as if mine was in the ground

Did you ever cry over me
Did you ever stop and wonder
About how I was doing
You were just silent thunder

I hated loving you
There was no point if it was not returned
My sister hated it too
I felt like my skin was in a blazing fire
Being burned

Trying to smile
When I was with you never seemed
To faze you

So now when you need me
I hope you know if it was not for
Daddy I would not be there
I hope one day you read this
And it brings a world of fear

I don't want your hugs
A fake understanding
I want a Mom
Who is never ending
I'm sorry mom but I got to say
I'll always love you
But never look my way