pain

i wake up and the pain is there. I cringe at it but push through it anyways, the day continues, and the pain increase's, but still i push through it.  Mental pain Physical pain and Emotional pain,  but yet i still smile, the tears stream down my face,but yet no one notice's, i bleed but no one sees, the flashbacks continue but no one comforts. why am i so alone in this world i think to myself but i get no answer, in my mind i search and search but find no logical  reason of why i'm alone. yes i have friends,but in all reality, are they really friends? or just obstical's in my life ment for me to conqure. .day in and day out i think to myself is my life really that worth living ,but in the end i always make up some kind of excuse to continue living my heart beats and my mind races  but yet i go nowhere im stuck in a loop of time and reality as many would put it, hell on earth 21 years i have been dealing with this pain and every day that goes by it only makes the pain worse