deepundergroundpoetry.com
Benefits Who?
I'm told a rose that grows in shame, would weep
despite its chose name -
and petals shed from frozen wastes
can slice right through a tired mind as nice
as rotor blades...
...but metaphors are measures of subjective met experience,
not actual pain.
These metaphors can't measure up the weight of actual pain
despite its chose name -
and petals shed from frozen wastes
can slice right through a tired mind as nice
as rotor blades...
...but metaphors are measures of subjective met experience,
not actual pain.
These metaphors can't measure up the weight of actual pain
Published 27th Aug 2015
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likes 12
reading list entries 4
comments 3
reads 1977
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Sep 2015 7:48am
Your construction is epic, the lines are strung together beautifully. As a technical thing, please believe it's not meant negatively - this was really superb, I would lose the double pain couplet, changing one to a synonym, also lose the coat in the video - I get that it is cold but I think you need to feel it to bring it to life more. These are only suggestions. Thank you for the read, it was stunning and realistic about England, the beginning intro was well put together.
7th Sep 2015 4:49pm
15th Aug 2017 8:51pm
