Placebo

I run to the room where I know I'll find him
He smiles and I salute at him
Playful.
Nonchalant -
But giddy inside.
He smiles!
I set my bag beside the chair
He sat on before -
Beside me -
I was hoping he'll sit there again.

I pulled my friend
Out of the room
And squealed like a mad girl running the halls
Because he smiled
He smiled at me!

Back to the room and there he was
And as I sat down
His perfume invaded my safe space
And my friend winked at me
And I smiled, too
I smiled at her.

He talks to me
And every word was a shot of giddy
By the end of the day I was too high
And as we stand and start to leave
He turned to me
He looked at me
He waved and said "bye"
And I
Replied with a farewell of mine
And as soon as he was out of the room
There it was
That giddy girl squeal
From the thrill
Of a teenage crush
That teenage rush

I say over and over
Squeal over and over
"He said "bye""
"He said "bye"!"
I'm the only one he said it to

The day goes on -
And as the waves settled
The falseness creeps
It killed the butterflies
In my stomach
My sparklers died down
And I was falling
Was it real?

He was older
Perhaps wiser
Ahead
I don't even know if he has a girlfriend
But he
He makes me high
And smile like the Cheshire
Cat - with a tulip blush
I don't know anything but his name
What he wants to be
But as bad as it sounds
He's really a very special placebo to me -
To my madness
To my loneliness.