deepundergroundpoetry.com
I am a Name, Not an Identity
I am but a name
Taped shame
All the same
Not an identity
Sink see
Going down slowly
The rest
Second best
Failed test
At the end of a measure
Lost my treasure
A name has no pleasure
A stitched
Getting hitched
Getting ditched
Heart in my lung
I can't be sung
I'm undone
My heart beat
Cheats
Going to sleep
Is liquid
Putrid
And frigid
My mind is gears
And fears
But never tears
Since Murder is illegal
And freedom
Is lethal
It looks like
I'll be killing
Myself tonight
Taped shame
All the same
Not an identity
Sink see
Going down slowly
The rest
Second best
Failed test
At the end of a measure
Lost my treasure
A name has no pleasure
A stitched
Getting hitched
Getting ditched
Heart in my lung
I can't be sung
I'm undone
My heart beat
Cheats
Going to sleep
Is liquid
Putrid
And frigid
My mind is gears
And fears
But never tears
Since Murder is illegal
And freedom
Is lethal
It looks like
I'll be killing
Myself tonight
Published 7th Jul 2015
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 680
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
13th Jul 2015 8:17am
melancholy write. sometimes you gotta listen real hard to hear the song...
26th Jul 2015 7:18pm
2nd Aug 2015 8:30am
Not an identity
Sink see
Go down slowly
Thats beautiful doll. If nothing else, which i doubt, you are a talented poet love.
I have felt like this, you touched me.💋
Sink see
Go down slowly
Thats beautiful doll. If nothing else, which i doubt, you are a talented poet love.
I have felt like this, you touched me.💋
3rd Aug 2015 11:33pm
There are lines in poems that I am always unsure about, that I think make no sense and everybody knows they suck. That is one of them XD
I'm glad you pointed it out, that makes me feel a lot better. Thanks for your support.
I'm glad you pointed it out, that makes me feel a lot better. Thanks for your support.
Anonymous
4th Aug 2015 2:54pm
You had me at "freedom is lethal." That pivots nicely to the end. You can say a lot in a few words. As every aspiring writer is told. "Less is More." You nailed it.
5th Aug 2015 5:58pm
Thank you very much!! I like that whole paragraph "Since murder is illegal and freedom is lethal" it just has a nice ring to it, at least I think so
20th Aug 2015 3:45am
Welcome to DUP!
I've read all of your pieces so far. While the emotions and passions are clear and moving, I would challenge you to step outside of the rhyming box. Personally, I appreciate alliteration and asymmetrical rhyme schemes as much, if not more, than the standard "rhyme at the end of the line" schemes.
I do appreciate your work thus far, though. Looking to seeing you grow and expand.
I've read all of your pieces so far. While the emotions and passions are clear and moving, I would challenge you to step outside of the rhyming box. Personally, I appreciate alliteration and asymmetrical rhyme schemes as much, if not more, than the standard "rhyme at the end of the line" schemes.
I do appreciate your work thus far, though. Looking to seeing you grow and expand.
21st Aug 2015 2:00am
