EGO SAMPLES (unlivable life)

Inside a sea of selves in pain who are crying out for help ..
I am drowning in their pond too
with the only help they can get...  
They all look like me
idolize my name and praise me
because I am all they can see...  
 
Life seems like an illusion
I've never had such a sensation  
like submerging in newfound wave
And I used to swear on sacred figures that  
if I was awarded with euphoria  
I would definately be brave.  
 
But my selves aren't sinking down and everything I tried to change  
became anthropoid compunctions  
One of them whispers to me  
and an image disinterred by my raped will  
is taming my perceptions.  
 
It wants me to bleed from sorrow and sadness
and to curse upon my breathes  
It laughs at me ironically  
and makes me adorn with logic its illogical beliefs  
 
with convincing words as ornaments and celebrating ribbons  
I take them as a present.  
I accept their validity
put them aside briefly  
and ignore the omens' message  
 
 
 
 
But my penalty is endless  
I would prefer to convict to death cause I can't be suicidal  

"there's a distraction guided  
by your innate instincts of endurance and survival".  
 
Who am I talking to?  
I feel no respiration neither I face faces.  
 
Nor I sense a phantom or ghost  
or see angelic existance's traces..  
 
 
Grey darkness in my cell...the gate is wide open  
a light begins to appear..
 
I hear a voice  
"don't go there" but a tender push unto my back  
is forcing me to veer.  
 
So I am located somewhere else  
by no awareness of how and when  
My beauty and soul soiled.  
With my mind sounding irrational  
my terminal goal is impersonal
A seek of my ego's pieces  
 
I find the most but it's almost unachievable  
to bring them back together  
I quess it's more convenient for me  
not to,  
The easiest, the better.  
 
 
A civil war inside me
my remaining life is unlivable  
resistance and attack.  
Both soldier and opponent,  
to the world I'm inadequate  
A trip to hell
and back