Battle in my head

Couple of years I've been without it , I lost my mind and never found it ..    
   
The darkness hasn't fallen back, and the person I am cant get out of the trap.    
   
Does it ever go away.. Or even try? It's been 3 years and I still wanna die.    
   
Fuck all these feelings; fuck it im done.. Then Turn around and see the soul of my son.    
   
I look into his eyes and feel Into his heart. Then realize I'm too strong to fall apart.    
   
He needs me here for his protection, but how can I with horrible  imperfections...    
   
I can't stop hating myself or let anything go. I make myself feel so fucking low...  
   
With out the meds im crazy, but I can admit that they save me..  
   
Do I drop the bottle for a spoon? Or is it way too soon...?    
   
Everyone around me listens to her calls, under the ice spell their spirits will fall.    
   
Who am I, and where am I going?  hate inside of me is always growing.    
   
take the pills of hope and forget the real me, & realize no one wants me to be fee.    
   
I'm have hopeless broken sadness, mixed with meth enduced madness.    
   
I haven't used in years, but meth really has no cures.    
   
It comes with everlasting doubt, makes my happiness wear out.    
   
Is that the truth or am I just crazy. everyone knows the pill saves me.    
   
my veins will throb with thoughts of prevail. & my life will end with heartless betrayal    
   
I kno what is right and I'll know what I'll do.    
   
Don't worry baby boy, I'll always choose you.    
   
I promise you a day you'll never see, a day when depression wins over me.