deepundergroundpoetry.com
Until
I cannot decide
between wrong and right,
and I cannot hide
the way that I struggle inside.
I do not enjoy
the way that I continue to fight,
the way I take flight,
or the way I keep myself shut so tight.
But it is
my only defense,
it remains my only pretense
to keep everyone just behind this fence.
I love too much,
I care too hard.
I would give my all
to make you feel better.
But with horror,
and with pain,
I realize it can all go away.
I am replaced.
I have become obsolete.
And I am jealous.
I want what I see
so many others enjoying-
I want that love,
so desperate for it.
But behind my eyes
cruel intentions do lie,
because I only want to say
that my best friend is here to stay.
I want to say, like you,
that he knows me best,
loves me best.
I would like to see us resolve our fights
and left unresolved with you.
I want the comfort of
knowing I won't be alone,
because right now
it hurts
and I ache for so long.
I am not a best friend,
it seems no longer your t'hai'la-
I have nothing to offer,
and no help to give.
Because I can't.
You have everything
And I sit to enjoy my nothing.
You possess handfuls
and I have open hands-
their stretched fingers
though which
everything tends to just slip.
I am volatile-
an impending explosion.
I hurt
and I hurt others.
I am fear,
because what I give is fear.
But I'm tired of shedding these stupid tears.
So don't tell me
he's jealous.
Don't you dare tell me he feels threatened,
because you can't fear nothing-
I am as the air
when it comes to being there
for you.
He should know you'd pick him.
He should know how stretched thin I am.
I've been replaced,
but I'm slowly becoming okay with it.
After all, its what I want for me too.
So I can tell you
that you won't be as best of a friend
as he'll be to me.
So for now,
I sit and wait
and I will not be right,
because my purpose remains unfulfilled
because it is to love and be loved-
to care,
to give of myself until there's nothing left
and just keep going from there-
and you don't need that from me.
So I will wait patiently,
gathering dust in wait,
until my own love I can make.
between wrong and right,
and I cannot hide
the way that I struggle inside.
I do not enjoy
the way that I continue to fight,
the way I take flight,
or the way I keep myself shut so tight.
But it is
my only defense,
it remains my only pretense
to keep everyone just behind this fence.
I love too much,
I care too hard.
I would give my all
to make you feel better.
But with horror,
and with pain,
I realize it can all go away.
I am replaced.
I have become obsolete.
And I am jealous.
I want what I see
so many others enjoying-
I want that love,
so desperate for it.
But behind my eyes
cruel intentions do lie,
because I only want to say
that my best friend is here to stay.
I want to say, like you,
that he knows me best,
loves me best.
I would like to see us resolve our fights
and left unresolved with you.
I want the comfort of
knowing I won't be alone,
because right now
it hurts
and I ache for so long.
I am not a best friend,
it seems no longer your t'hai'la-
I have nothing to offer,
and no help to give.
Because I can't.
You have everything
And I sit to enjoy my nothing.
You possess handfuls
and I have open hands-
their stretched fingers
though which
everything tends to just slip.
I am volatile-
an impending explosion.
I hurt
and I hurt others.
I am fear,
because what I give is fear.
But I'm tired of shedding these stupid tears.
So don't tell me
he's jealous.
Don't you dare tell me he feels threatened,
because you can't fear nothing-
I am as the air
when it comes to being there
for you.
He should know you'd pick him.
He should know how stretched thin I am.
I've been replaced,
but I'm slowly becoming okay with it.
After all, its what I want for me too.
So I can tell you
that you won't be as best of a friend
as he'll be to me.
So for now,
I sit and wait
and I will not be right,
because my purpose remains unfulfilled
because it is to love and be loved-
to care,
to give of myself until there's nothing left
and just keep going from there-
and you don't need that from me.
So I will wait patiently,
gathering dust in wait,
until my own love I can make.
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