Spur Of It All

There's no point in talking if I feel you're not going to listen
I dont know how to talk because i fear my filter would go missing

As you know
Im very toxic with my words when im mad
& I'm too emotional to verbally relay how I feel
Not even a tad

Everything's layed out straight
On the table in my mind
The second I think I can FINALLY talk,
My words scream they need more time
More time to prepare for the truth that awaits
Patiently at the toothly gates,
The words I wish I could truthfully quake
Unlike everyone else
My flow doesn't flow

Im a silent disaster

Beautiful scarecrow

I dont know how it goes
How it goes If I can tell
I'm the one with the answers
I just need to know where

Where on EARTH in my mind is mine?
My courage, My freedom, and my rope of rewinded time?
I need to start over and reseat myself
Im staged too late
Do you mind if I repeat myself?
A stage too late but I bettered myself
Im staged too late but even better my self


Im young but my mind is clever as ever
The problem may be that Im young
Without a flock on my feather
Under the weather
I have no experience
Of EVER,
speaking my mind
Unless im ready to be crudely violent
With not a waste of breathe,
Nor time

I really needed help
But only I was there
When I got tired of sitting down
I pulled MY SELF out of the chair
I was there for ME
Better than anyone else ever could
Or would

That's why when I'm sad
Holding it in is good

I know the solution to making myself happy
When someone else is in the picture

Everything turns to madness

Now I have to adjust to NOT being alone
Now I have to trust that
I wont have to go thru it on my own
But see my thing with trust?
I dont do it too much
But I trust you...
And I love you so  much
Its not that I think you'll do anything wrong
It's the fact that if you do
I'll be literally mind blown
I'll be so done with everyone around me
No friends
No nothing
Just my sisters
And the Army

The way I see it
They dont care too much either
But its cool cause Im fine
Just not a good leader

I cant lead anything or anyone
If I cant believe in myself

Even tho I know im strong
Most times I need help

Im strong enough to hold the bricks to help build others
But I cant hold the bricks to help build myself

Maybe Im broken,
But I didnt admit that
I'll say Im not broken
Just dull with a few cracks
Easy to fix
Yeah, I wish
I wish, I wish with all my heart
To find a way to take it and make it far
Not only in my career and financial achievements
But
Also in love and family concievements

If I cant stand strong then I wont stand long
I try to push it till im maxed out
But I guess my stance wrong

I really dont know
Cant seem to get it together
With everything I do
Nothing makes the situation better
I can lose forsure cant win for shit
But it's fine
'Cause out of everything
I will never quit
No matter how weak and broken I may seem to be
My pride is my spine
Although at times
Im not proud of it to be

But
The Spur Of It All

Is For Me

To Be

Happy