deepundergroundpoetry.com

Rehearsed

[font=Courier New]He called me beautiful as if my name was to hard to remember
He called me it so often I would tend to forget my actual identification
We would have fights about who loves who more
as if it were the only way to prove it

At 12 he would wake me, as if he planned it and ask me how I was
As if being without him for even a second was harmful
And it was
And he knew it
And he still knows it

His voice became my inner consciousness
I fell as if my life depended on it,
and by golly I hoped he would catch me

My hands are just puzzle pieces waiting for yours to complete mine
My phone never leaves my sides
In case you decide that home is where you would like to stay
And I'll wait
Because loving you was the last thing I felt really good at

You can tell me you've never loves me
But I'll still keep the clothes you gave me
Put them on and pretend its you

And I know it sounds crazy
But I haven't stopped crying

I will retrace memories until they shred to pieces
Because I refuse to believe that My Moon with have another Sun

I just can't let go of the first time you told me you were in love with me
As if it was clawing out of your chest and you couldn't hold it back anymore

I need to wake up from this nightmare
But how do you do that when you're not even asleep

It seems the Devil has come and ripped you away from me
And now I am left with your broken fragments

Please tell me you need me
You were my life line and now I am drowning

Don't tell me to move on
I can't just pack two years of memories away
That takes time
And I'm not ready

You were the first boy that made me feel like myself
And now I don't know who the hell I am

Don't tell me I'll be fine
Because how do yo fix walls that are crumbling?
You can't spell the word beautiful without "U" in it
And I haven't felt that way since

I still have the gifts you gave me
Because what if one day you want to come home
You called "this" home
You called "us" home

But now I am feeling like a I was a motel,
My vacancy sign calling your name and you took it
But when it became to real
You paid the bill and left

Now I am the one sitting in darkness
Replaying words I wish I would have said
Because maybe the right ones would have made you stay

I am tired
I'm tired of people telling me you are not my problem anymore
Because for once you were a problem I enjoyed solving

I used to think September 22 was just a date
A number defining how many until October
But now it's a sucker punch to the stomach
A gut-wrenching feeling is attached to such an insignificant day

Do you remember
Standing next to clothes I will never be able to afford
You asked me to be yours
Five measly words turned whirlwind, causing heartaches laughter and late nights

Five words made me confess Four words that ended with Six
"I'm breaking up with you"
It came so easily from your mouth as if you rehearsed it

I know this wasn't easy
But was it even worth it?
Don't tell me your sorry when you don't even mean it
I guess I'm just saying I miss you

I guess I'm just saying I miss you
I miss you because I'm having a terrible time
Piecing my life back together, before you came in
And made it such a Goddamn Beautiful Asphyxiation �

Disclaimer: I wrote this on what would have been my two year anniversary with my ex-boyfriend. Please Enjoy!