Very Dear

I'm going to sleep tonight and I'm going to try to make it last forever.
Listen, my favorite people, to what I spew into this world without color.
I'm sorry that I ever existed, that I barged my way into your lives,
I know I screw up everything and I seemed to never even try.

I won't say I'm sorry, or that you should have seen this coming,
Because I made no move, I told you nothing too alarming.
I planned it this way you see, since the very begging,
Now that you're reading this, you'll see my false skin shedding.

I'm not innocent, I'm happy, I was never all that stupid,
And I can never apologize enough for all the moments I've ruined,
By existing in them. You can't begin to comprehend the sheer depression,
When I look around all my friends, and I can't share this expression.

That I'm miserable, I always have been, it's so hard not to cry,
When you're all around and I want to fly and hit the ground, I want to try.
But still I smile, putting on this pitiful face for you all to see,
So that you'll never know what's happening inside of me.

So this is my goodbye, the last I'll hope to ever say,
Just be happy for me, knowing I finally got my way.
This is my voice and I'm so glad you chose to hear me,
This is the last thing, you're all very dear to me.