deepundergroundpoetry.com
Old Before Alive
Would you rid me of my senses,
To see the silver in this jar turn to gold?
How hollow we would empty it's dictated contents,
Lacking in sensations to be acted upon,
Allowing the mound to amass around us,
Till when old; We are proud to have hoarded a pension,
From then do we enjoy life?
Pristine and framed by platinum?
Not truly preserving ourselves just our gains,
Which we seem to care so little for,
Embroidered in silver linings.
Is the world in this screen really better?
Full of aspirations to replace the dreams
Or just to numb that loss of feeling?
It hurts to think of myself as human, as if I don't believe it anymore.
Bored; such an unnatural state for our kind,
Thriving on restricted feelings.
Told to be happy with what I have,
Then shown the next thing which I apparently need.
Have greed and self preservation became a reason to live?
I only hope when I am in pain now,
For I cannot afford my freedom, and when I can, I'll no longer care for it, I hope.
To see the silver in this jar turn to gold?
How hollow we would empty it's dictated contents,
Lacking in sensations to be acted upon,
Allowing the mound to amass around us,
Till when old; We are proud to have hoarded a pension,
From then do we enjoy life?
Pristine and framed by platinum?
Not truly preserving ourselves just our gains,
Which we seem to care so little for,
Embroidered in silver linings.
Is the world in this screen really better?
Full of aspirations to replace the dreams
Or just to numb that loss of feeling?
It hurts to think of myself as human, as if I don't believe it anymore.
Bored; such an unnatural state for our kind,
Thriving on restricted feelings.
Told to be happy with what I have,
Then shown the next thing which I apparently need.
Have greed and self preservation became a reason to live?
I only hope when I am in pain now,
For I cannot afford my freedom, and when I can, I'll no longer care for it, I hope.
Published 1st Feb 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
1st Feb 2015 5:51pm
1st Feb 2015 9:05pm
21st Feb 2015 1:47am
Depressing, very depressing
You make me feel as if you are caught living within a simulation which you designed, as if you have already over analysed everything and care little for any possible surprises.
Maybe don't even believe in them anymore.
I have to admit adoring the outlook on life here, as bleak as it is there is a flip side
I imagine you appreciate the things which we really should.
The ending feels clumsy, I wouldn't change it personally simply because I feel it should be there, though there has to be some way of improving it's flow or wording?
I'm arguing with myself whether or not I think this should be forcefully read to children or given an age rating
It's as beneficial as it is damning
Intelligence is rare
It has it's downfalls
I'll say
Passionately cold
And let you decide if that's a compliment or not
I'm going to have fun this week
It's too easy to waste our life's
Thank you
Food for thought
You make me feel as if you are caught living within a simulation which you designed, as if you have already over analysed everything and care little for any possible surprises.
Maybe don't even believe in them anymore.
I have to admit adoring the outlook on life here, as bleak as it is there is a flip side
I imagine you appreciate the things which we really should.
The ending feels clumsy, I wouldn't change it personally simply because I feel it should be there, though there has to be some way of improving it's flow or wording?
I'm arguing with myself whether or not I think this should be forcefully read to children or given an age rating
It's as beneficial as it is damning
Intelligence is rare
It has it's downfalls
I'll say
Passionately cold
And let you decide if that's a compliment or not
I'm going to have fun this week
It's too easy to waste our life's
Thank you
Food for thought
