Acceptance

This isn't a love poem
This isn't a poem of betrayal
This isn't a poem of anger
This is a poem to help you understand
Why I can't simply smile and take you back

Love was never my intention
From day one I told you that
Put rules in place as a prevention
You said you were okay with that
Then you said you loved me

I never knew how to respond
Never could say it back
I'm glad I didn't now
Life sometimes does work out how you expect

I always told you I'd end up hurt
Always said it as a joke
Never really doubted it though
You were always a risk

You could've hurt me
You could have snapped and went off
Instead you caused my family pain
And to me that is the end

I've never cared about myself
Never felt like my emotions were important
Our problems I felt were petty
They could eventually be worked out
But you hurt them and that's how unacceptable

I wish you just hurt me
Wish I was the only one affected
I could move past my personal pain
Could push past my own demons

They will never forgive
Will never be okay with it
They are my reason to live
You were a brief dose of happiness

I haven't cried
Haven't felt like I was dying
The only thing I really feel is guilt
I still want to be with you

I realize I can't  
I realize I need to stay away  
The fact that I don't want to
Is the cause of my dismay

I have love for you  
I still care
But we can't be together  
I can't be there