deepundergroundpoetry.com
Our Nation
I bite my lip in contemplation.
I can't resist the temptation.
There is no time for hesitation.
I lean in for preparation.
My lips meet yours in anticipation.
I'm in a new place. Our Nation.
I can't resist the temptation.
There is no time for hesitation.
I lean in for preparation.
My lips meet yours in anticipation.
I'm in a new place. Our Nation.
Published 4th May 2011
| Edited 5th May 2011
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5th May 2011 2:42pm
Your poem has a nice flow, however, your rhythm & rhyme are perfect in the first four lines, then lines 5 and 6 veer off course..
Perhaps if you'd change line 5 to "My lips met yours in anticipation" and then correct the "im" to "I'm" and then perhaps change line 6 to I'm taken to the top" or something like that the theme you followed in the first 4 lines would continue to flow down through the entire piece.
Perhaps if you'd change line 5 to "My lips met yours in anticipation" and then correct the "im" to "I'm" and then perhaps change line 6 to I'm taken to the top" or something like that the theme you followed in the first 4 lines would continue to flow down through the entire piece.
5th May 2011 6:15pm
5th May 2011 6:33pm
5th May 2011 7:00pm
24th Sep 2012 1:52am
