I've Lost the Words

I've lost the words.
Following the routine has led to technicalities over emotional responses--
Confidence, but limitations.
 
Is climbing a mountain or trekking a plateau more fulfilling?
"But the mountain is steep and causes pain, too," they tell me.
 
What about a leap of faith?
Trust...
 
I've done what you said,
But I knew all along.
What I did not expect was the seemingly irreversible damage.
"Ah, but damage towards the damage!"
It's all the same!
What was was not cleaned up,
Merely doused with perfume.
 
I felt like I could do anything.
"But you were in a prison."
True, there were rules,
There was order,
But anything was possible.
The gates were open,
I just always had to return for critique and review
For there was always room for improvement.
 
Now the gauge is not mine.
I've lost track.
I am free but limited.
I've lost the words.
I've lost my guide.