deepundergroundpoetry.com
bad habits
I am never as perfect a picture
you paint
- but I still try my best
because in your eyes
i am beautiful though my mind
is torn
- still beaten,
tainted with a soul full of
fear and darkness, fear
and weakness and there are
many reasons to why i could
hate myself
and fear
and panic
because i would rather cower in my fall
than risk losing balance
when i try to be strong
I can sense how some words
taste bitter on your tongue
and hang in empty air
because nothing else fits
and I hate when I cannot
bring myself to open up
and sweeten the atmosphere
I have the tendency to
search for hidden things
I never really needed to find
but I still hunt, on
and on, because I have always had
the tendencies to hurt myself
with self inflicted torment
when i will sift through
thoughts of our past
i ache with a fury i cannot comprehend
a missing piece that will never be
sought
even though we are now
our own world
- and that is when i get scared as hell
because I wake up
to the wrench of a nightmare
there will always be rainclouds
in the pure blue of our sky
blurred and left unwiped
a bruise in the corner of my heart
the clogs that will never release
I will only hope to still find you here
when I wake from a distant call
because that is all that matters now
despite the callouses of my mind.
you paint
- but I still try my best
because in your eyes
i am beautiful though my mind
is torn
- still beaten,
tainted with a soul full of
fear and darkness, fear
and weakness and there are
many reasons to why i could
hate myself
and fear
and panic
because i would rather cower in my fall
than risk losing balance
when i try to be strong
I can sense how some words
taste bitter on your tongue
and hang in empty air
because nothing else fits
and I hate when I cannot
bring myself to open up
and sweeten the atmosphere
I have the tendency to
search for hidden things
I never really needed to find
but I still hunt, on
and on, because I have always had
the tendencies to hurt myself
with self inflicted torment
when i will sift through
thoughts of our past
i ache with a fury i cannot comprehend
a missing piece that will never be
sought
even though we are now
our own world
- and that is when i get scared as hell
because I wake up
to the wrench of a nightmare
there will always be rainclouds
in the pure blue of our sky
blurred and left unwiped
a bruise in the corner of my heart
the clogs that will never release
I will only hope to still find you here
when I wake from a distant call
because that is all that matters now
despite the callouses of my mind.
Published 19th Apr 2011
| Edited 22nd Apr 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
19th Apr 2011 1:45pm
this whole soul, fear, darkness thing is a tad old. Dress it up a little, say something new. Also, the typos make it hard to read. Especially the opening line which is responsible for holding the reader.
22nd Apr 2011 7:58am
Hello,
i thank you for your criticism, thank you for pointing out the typo. it was written in a rush.. i agree it might get old to a reader who follows my poems, hoping to see a change of pattern, but my mind might not be changing its course. there have been a few poems that are more uplifted but other than that, the rest is stagnant. change could be done if i write fictional poems to change things a bit, but i tend to write poems in less than 5 minutes based on my feelings then and there... sorry if the honesty is disappointing you, sometimes it does me too. thank you again, though..
i thank you for your criticism, thank you for pointing out the typo. it was written in a rush.. i agree it might get old to a reader who follows my poems, hoping to see a change of pattern, but my mind might not be changing its course. there have been a few poems that are more uplifted but other than that, the rest is stagnant. change could be done if i write fictional poems to change things a bit, but i tend to write poems in less than 5 minutes based on my feelings then and there... sorry if the honesty is disappointing you, sometimes it does me too. thank you again, though..
