deepundergroundpoetry.com
Where Were You?
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your soothing touch
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your soothing hug
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming laugh
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming smile
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling eyes
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling style
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
WHERE WERE YOU
Where were you when I needed your soothing touch
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your soothing hug
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming laugh
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming smile
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling eyes
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling style
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
WHERE WERE YOU
Published 15th Apr 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 829
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Apr 2011 9:43pm
I feel like this one makes too much use of repetition. Repeating words and lines is a good way to tie a poem together, but there are only six words in this entire poem that aren't repeated. Perhaps rearranging the lines so that the "hour ago/needed you so/terrible crime/down my spine" lines aren't repeated so often, or rewording some of the lines so they aren't so heavily copied from one to the other?
20th Jan 2012 2:00am
i thought the repetition really accented the story and acted as the spine of the word. if you've ever been in a state like this you really find yourself repeating the same phrases over and over.
overall it really was a beautiful write
overall it really was a beautiful write
