15 years!

I've never put these words down before.
Even now I'm afraid to open the door.
Open the door and let it all pour out.
Let it swing open and see what you're about.

Let's start where it all began.
Let's start when you fucking ran!
Jealous that it all had ended.
Blinded by all your pain you lended.
Lended the cops a hand you did.
Both my parents in jail, fuck the kid!
Was it just pure desire that lead your way?
Was it lack of care for me that made you sway?
What possibly could make you snitch?
What justification do you have, bitch?

Shall we move on to other issues?
Shall I crack out the box of tissues?
Where's my sibling you murderous whore?
What gave you the right to shut that door?
To kill a child before they enter this world!
To end his chances, you make me hurl..
You're an evil existence and nothing more.
I'm so glad you're not here anymore.
Anyone who can kill a child isn't for me.
Anyone like you, I rather not see.
To be a mother already...
and still kill the next.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I should ring your neck.

Let us proceed to you re-entering my life.
Now I'm 12, does this all suffice?
12 long years you've had to let it build.
To let your resentment completely fill!
Is that the reason you did what you did?
Is it because you hate your kid?
You make up for my dead sibling with two apes?
That was your big surprise behind the drapes?
You think I'd accept that?
You think I'd willingly take you back?

After all you've done to make sure I'm fucked.
You really have to offer fake hugs?
Make me feel like I'm now home.
Make me believe I'm not alone.
Just to make sure that is exactly what I am.
Alone, scared, and lost trying to become a man.
Not even a teen and I'm sleeping on the streets.
Stick a needle in my arm to cut back the weeps.
At least the needle was there 24/7 when I needed a friend.
Always welcomed me, never pretend.
The needle tucked me in at night.
The needle helped me get over my fright.
Raised by the needle, and my young diluted mind.
I know you tried to put me behind.

2 & 1/2 years of this.
I won't get into details of the abyss.
I still struggle to close my eyes.
I never know when I might die.
You certainly forced me to grow up fast.
You certainly made sure I wouldn't last.
Even when I was offered a way out.
Even when my father heard my pleading shout!
When he fought through miles of red tape.
You made sure I couldn't escape.
Made sure I was stranded in hell forever.
Made sure happiness I felt never.

I thank God everyday for the persistence.
The fight my father had witnessed.
The judge who saw you for what you were!
And my grandmother who could not be deterred.
I thank God everyday that I no longer see you.
That you can't find a way through.
I finally escaped your grasps.
I am finally free at last.

It only took 15 years for me to feel love.
Only 15 years to know what family was!
15 years to not feel alone.
15 years to finally have a home.
15 years until I didn't have to cry.
15 years until I felt safe outside.
15 years until I could close my eyes.
15 years until I didn't feel I would die.
15 years until the torture stopped.
15 years until the cages dropped.
Only 15 years for me to scream!
After 15 years, I'm finally free!