deepundergroundpoetry.com
Last Call
Darkness engulfs life,
as if it was an self inflicted wound
How can people be lost in their own vanity?
Have they lost their sanity?
There are so many things,
that makes us wonderabout the painful sting
Kids quitto soon,
only to be mourned and rued
They say suicide is for cowards,
but do they know that they have the power?
Only one bullet,
one cut,
one pill
Could be the end of it all
So here you are,
listening for my call,
for the end of it all
as if it was an self inflicted wound
How can people be lost in their own vanity?
Have they lost their sanity?
There are so many things,
that makes us wonderabout the painful sting
Kids quitto soon,
only to be mourned and rued
They say suicide is for cowards,
but do they know that they have the power?
Only one bullet,
one cut,
one pill
Could be the end of it all
So here you are,
listening for my call,
for the end of it all
Published 7th Apr 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Sep 2012 9:39pm
You have some fantastic lines in here--"as if it was self-inflicted wound," "only to be mourned and rued," "So here you are, listening for my call." A lot of powerful word choice, especially the word rued. However, it seems as though the rhyming may have stifled you a bit--"they have the power" could have easily been replaced with something stronger if it wasn't solely meant to rhyme with cowards.
Overall, solid work. Keep on keeping on.
Overall, solid work. Keep on keeping on.
27th Nov 2012 8:17pm
