deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dark Side (Lizzy Borden)
Innocent look and sweet talker
Oh God! She's a charmer
Perfect smile outside
But evil lair's dwelling inside
Calm on the surface
But a twisted mind she's embrace
Inside the house, the evil bursts
Seeing the mother, she came first
Give her an Axe, add more 18 whacks
Seeing her fell down, there's no turning back
Then continue to daddy, she becomes hollow
Give him a surprise with 11 blows
She walks away without a remorse
And the next day riding a horse
Because with her look she could deceived
History written is to be believed
Oh God! She's a charmer
Perfect smile outside
But evil lair's dwelling inside
Calm on the surface
But a twisted mind she's embrace
Inside the house, the evil bursts
Seeing the mother, she came first
Give her an Axe, add more 18 whacks
Seeing her fell down, there's no turning back
Then continue to daddy, she becomes hollow
Give him a surprise with 11 blows
She walks away without a remorse
And the next day riding a horse
Because with her look she could deceived
History written is to be believed
Published 11th Jun 2014
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Anonymous
- Edited 15th Jun 2014 6:53pm
15th Jun 2014 6:51pm
It's a very good account; I learned the real number of whacks that killed them upon reading wikipedia. (I had thought it was '40' for mom, 41 for dad like the nursery rhyme. :) )
The past and present tense verbs are mixed here. I realize you are trying to rhyme perfectly, but there's no need to worry about rhyme more than the proper word tense. I think some corrections could be made to keep present tense and the poem still stand well:
But a twisted mind she does embrace
(added "does")
Seeing her fell down, there's no turning back
(change 'fell' to 'fall')
She walks away without a remorse
(remove 'a')
And the next day (insert "is") riding a horse
Because with her look she could deceive d
(drop the "d" at end)
History written is to be believed
You can change it to:
History written we can believe
(so it rhymes with "deceive".)
The past and present tense verbs are mixed here. I realize you are trying to rhyme perfectly, but there's no need to worry about rhyme more than the proper word tense. I think some corrections could be made to keep present tense and the poem still stand well:
But a twisted mind she does embrace
(added "does")
Seeing her fell down, there's no turning back
(change 'fell' to 'fall')
She walks away without a remorse
(remove 'a')
And the next day (insert "is") riding a horse
Because with her look she could deceive d
(drop the "d" at end)
History written is to be believed
You can change it to:
History written we can believe
(so it rhymes with "deceive".)
