Day by Day

Suddenly out of no where overwhelming anxiety
                                         engulfs my body and mind
I am on heightened awareness
                                         for any threat I can find

Heart beating rapidly,
       stomach all in knots,
              thoughts racing fast
Why have I got these feelings...
                        How long will they last

Nothing to distract myself with
only myself and I
All I can think about is
       how the fuck can I get high

At least for a moment, I will get some relief
                          That s what my stupid brain really does believe
When in reality I know it's the last thing I need at all
                It's what keeps setting me up only to hit a brick wall

Over a decade long of drug and alcohol abuse
        To keep my feelings at bay
It's so tough to make a commitment
        To try a healthier way

Get in touch with my feelings
    .... Are u fucking absurd
It's like looking at an elephant
      and you're telling me it's a bird

As long as I can remember
                     this is how I got by
And now you want to tell me,
                       this I have to defy

Sit back, strap yourself in ,
      this is going to be one hell of a ride
Don't think your going anywhere
                               I need u by my side

I know it won't be easy
        To keep my mind on track
Self discipline is definitely something
                          I do surely lack

In reality I know the answer in what
        I must put in place
It's taking things day by day
       And not getting of my face

That's easier said than done
as the mind is a powerful tool
If it really wants to it can play u
    For a fool

Being powerless to an addiction
  tight in the grips
Your pride and self esteem
Is what it certainly strips

I still dont have the tools
         to ensure I can stay clean
At this stage that seems
          Like a distant dream