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A Ride

Your beautiful blue eyes penetrate me
kissing me roughly, touching me, fondling me.
Completely caught up in your lust.

Your hands rubbing my nipples,
moving your lips down to lick them,
setting me on edge.

I'm engorged, begging for your touch.
you take me in your mouth
sending waves of pleasure through me.

You taste what you are doing to me
using your hands to massage me
and tease me.

Climbing up you place your wet lips
on my face for me to lick,
to suck, to hear you moan.

Pleasure consumes you,
can�t wait anymore.
Sliding down my chest.

Taking me in, red, swollen, dripping
riding your love slave
until your pleasure is complete.

(This is in progress and there are a couple of things i am not satisfied with, so any comments and help are welcome. Trying to do some shorter work, I tend to get too wordy. Enjoy Ok, worked on the ending some. See what you think.)

Written by txbbq

Published 20th Mar 2011 | Edited 22nd Mar 2011

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likes 2 reading list entries 1

comments 6 reads 1668

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The author encourages honest critique.

Good, so far...

Anonymous

21st Mar 2011 1:49am

I like this so far, the ending just doesnt feel right to me, needs to be a little more before the end. Good luck....I like your work.

txbbq

21st Mar 2011 5:36pm

TY. Yes you are right. The ending is not satisfactory. Trying to balance what I want to say and keep it short is making me crazy, but I need to do it for discipline in my writing. So I will keep working on that part. Check it in a few days if you would, and let me know if I have improved it or made it worse!