I cut

I look for pleasure
And turn to my blade.
Dragging the edge
Across my skin,
I find my happiness.
When I finish,
I have new marks.
These join those
I made before.
I lay in my bed,
enjoying the pain,
Until a new one comes.

I see my friend’s faces,
Heavy with hurt.
They are disappointed
At what I did.
I will not tell them.
What they don't know
Can't hurt them.
Those sad faces
can't hurt me.
But they will know.
The marks are on my arm
Tell the whole story.
I cannot hide it.

The next day
will bring pain,
To both my friends
and to me.
Their pain cuts my heart,
Only, this pain brings no joy.
I am hurt that I hurt them,
So I cut more.
The more I cut,
the more my friends hurt.
The more they hurt,
The more I cut.