deepundergroundpoetry.com
Viper’s Kiss
The opposition of life or death chokes my brain
Your eyes dress me with mountains of fear
As slowly it kisses my flesh with fatal flames
Decorating me with burns of a third degree nature
Heightened levels of anger secrete from your fangs
You hiss and rattle your tongue as you prepare to strike
Ready to plague my body with treacherous toxins
Awaiting to suffocate my veins with your bane breath
Why must you ambush an innocent heart with unwanted company?
Why must you dominate a free spirit with shackles of superiority?
I stand cautiously in the corner as you snap fiercely at me
Spitting venom faster than speeding bullets across my path
Meticulously it blinds my vision with every ounce of vengeance
Without warning it pours upon the tender blades of my shoulders
Drowning me in a sea of scars as a result of heinous jealousy
Constantly serving as a reminder of who you truly appear to be
Your eyes dress me with mountains of fear
As slowly it kisses my flesh with fatal flames
Decorating me with burns of a third degree nature
Heightened levels of anger secrete from your fangs
You hiss and rattle your tongue as you prepare to strike
Ready to plague my body with treacherous toxins
Awaiting to suffocate my veins with your bane breath
Why must you ambush an innocent heart with unwanted company?
Why must you dominate a free spirit with shackles of superiority?
I stand cautiously in the corner as you snap fiercely at me
Spitting venom faster than speeding bullets across my path
Meticulously it blinds my vision with every ounce of vengeance
Without warning it pours upon the tender blades of my shoulders
Drowning me in a sea of scars as a result of heinous jealousy
Constantly serving as a reminder of who you truly appear to be
Published 15th Mar 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
15th Mar 2011 3:55am
I've had "fangs of love"rambling through my head all day, but I like this sap free darker side.
15th Mar 2011 5:14pm
16th Mar 2011 1:05am
you have some really nice imagery but it feels a bit like there's too much going on. Maybe if you try and cut down on some of the unnecessary adjectives (for example, 'innocent heart and unwanted company') and superfluous images (as in 'heightened levels of anger secrete from your fangs') and then the ones you leave will be a lot more powerful.
I do love 'drowning me in a sea of scars', that's lovely!!
:)
I do love 'drowning me in a sea of scars', that's lovely!!
:)
