deepundergroundpoetry.com
waste
Mark this day rainy Grey just another way humans play you make me beg in sickening ways promises of your golden lays slink through fire hoops I pass the test I know I'm that good you drippy mess as baby birds fall to there death no call text not even a breath you let people in your mind to play little piggy get full and go astray in blood I curse you written that pray this is just another date someone threw me away. ...323 pwt
Published 8th Apr 2014
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8th Apr 2014 9:56pm
i started with few expectations, and i was wrong.
its length only adds to the overall effect, short sharp and gone.
u may consider changing "you make me beg in sickening ways" to something shorter, unsure as to what, but u seem like a good writer, jam a couple of adjectives toegther.
for the rest of the poem too, get rid of the "ins" and "I"s
twist it round ur finger more, write pictures not explanations.
x
its length only adds to the overall effect, short sharp and gone.
u may consider changing "you make me beg in sickening ways" to something shorter, unsure as to what, but u seem like a good writer, jam a couple of adjectives toegther.
for the rest of the poem too, get rid of the "ins" and "I"s
twist it round ur finger more, write pictures not explanations.
x
9th Apr 2014 1:32am
