Dear David

Dear David,

I don't know what are you thinking about you
are not good enough for me and that i dont
deserve you. That really hurt me that its
keeps repeating in my head like you told
during lunch you are forgetting all about
job corps and me because i am going to
advance traing in Clarie-Field Utah And that
we wouldn't make it work because we wouldn't
be able to see each other for long periods of time.
I know it would be very hard for us I know we could
make it work but it would be hard for us. I just don't
want to lose you for my dreamsof being somebody
in something that everyone keeps telling i am not
good enough them or anything I do.

Thats the main thing I am trying to prove myself to
the world that I am not a fuck up even though is very
hard for me to keep my head up to not depress, miao,
bipolar, all the time.All my life people been telling I am
an fuck-up, a mistake, a nobody, and I know how you feel
when your dad has been treating you like you are shit.
I have been there myself with my mom and family, that
I needed to grow-up at age of two I had to grow-up before
my time.You and I have alot in common with another.
I have been trying to please everyone around me to help
them, to take care of them, however I can't the chance
to get something backfor myself instead of my family
controlling me and my state of mind heart.

I just dont know anymore I have been trying my
life better then it was of everyone I can't,
I won't, and a lot more thats why I left
Pahrump for a better life than being stuck
there with no job, no love, no house, and
much more. Plus I was tried getting abuse
mentally, physically, and emotionally by the
people that I thought they love me when they didin't.
Like my parents I still the black sheep in my family
and I always will be to them, but with you I am not
because you accepted me for me.

And when i met you everything was different
I didn't have to teach you things
I am glad  I am not a teacher with you
I am finally a student for once in my
life like I actually have a purpose
in my life that I was beautiful for me
being me not being someone I am not
that never to wear a mask to cover
or hide anything from you because
actually took the time and effort to
understand my complex life like I did
for you. We understand each other better
than anyone else has. we have been there
for another we need help we bonded
closer then anyone I know for these passed
six months. You understand me even I have
a hard explaining or expressing myself to you.
You get it what I am trying to say when no
one else has. I apperiecate that you do care,
love, and understand me.

I know we both do know we don't want this to
end like this to never see one another eyes
again for the pain has been caused between
us or something around us. We have been
throught a lot together the break, the break-up,
the headaches and the bulshit we have survive
it all the hard times besides of marriage living
on our own. Yes, we fight with one another
because we can't the right way all the time.
we can't we are human we make mistakes.
And I don't to make one by having you always
mad at me or at something I did or say to hurt
you anymore. I am pretty sure you and I don't
this to be a just a meriory we want it to be
reality. Or for one another to felt we disappear for
each other lives. You and I both know it's very
hard to say good-bye or farewell theres not such
thing is good-bye because good-bye means forever.
Therefore farewell means until we are together again.

And there will not be any of those beacuse I truely love
you with all my heart and soul it has to give for you, if
you just let it in to your life and accepted for tis real.
Everyday I pour my heart out for you to see you smile,
laugh, enjoy my company instead of always in pain and
depression hitting you so hard that you feel like dying.
Everyday, I see you this way it kills me inside because
I am not doing my job right to keeping you happy. I spill
out my love for you everyday I have been around you that
I glad when I am with you I want you to see it when its
right in front of you how much i love, I care for you, but
I can't doing this running around for long because i knew
i have my soulmate. After all these years of searching you
from third grade and up we are finally back we were thirdteen
years ago. Besides the part of being older we were those
little kids playing together on the playground.However i do
want to spend the rest of my life with you if you want to
be there in your life.
 
I love you David M. S.

                          Love always,
                         
                             Felicia