Saves My Life

The wind tangled in my almost auburn hair
blue eyes dripping with fear and tears
but the mountain's edge, the cliff's ledge
i am not afraid of
I look over, tempted, begging for the strength
not to go on, but to go over
over the side and into the ravine
family walking ahead, don't look back, don't turn now
a few more moments and I'll be gone
no longer a problem, a mistake, a burden
to the railing I go, lean out, see the depth I would fall
it's far enough, just far enough ,to be dead on impact
no suffering for me, no more pain, no more tears
drowning didn't work before, I was too afraid
but this, I'd be flying for a split second, flying away
only 14, seven years since the first time I thought like this
just one step
the final, fatal slip
but no...
my mom calls my name
strangers behind me now
too many witnesses, too much to lose
step back before they notice
paint on my winning smile
force another charming laugh
as always, as always...
too scared, but maybe, maybe it wasn't supposed to end
after all, at least not that way.

almost 18 now, too many attempts to talk about
no one knew for the longest time
they still don't know the severity of my condition
they think it's new, just a phase
but it's been my world, I live this way
too much pain, yet so much love
one voice, one smile, one touch
that saves my life every time
my best friend.
my world.
my everything.
and I'm forever in his debt.

take a step back from the window, look around
on the other side of the room he's laughing
smiling, and it makes me smile
makes me laugh
saves my life