Unhealthy Redundance

The word in this write may not necessarily be real..
In my mind it sure as hell better be..
If you feel mutually to what I do..
I may not have the a life of starvation..
or self destruction known asa serial killer..
I only live the life created.....
I neglected myself...from my mother..My father..
my whole god damn family..
and

Have to live with it everyday....
I think about suicide all the time..
not as an attention excuse,
but as a way out from the hole I dug without even realizing it..
Did i fuck up the one true love in my path for life??????
I think about it every day i awaken from this fake as dream i pursue..
Or believe is even real..
I mean honestly am i really alive right now because...
I think and feel....
That im honestly dead as the traffic at 3 in the morning ina small town..
Just dead.