I want to be free

I’m a prisoner,
But no have no bars to encage me,
I have plenty of things to do,
Although I have no desire to do anything,
My life is my heart which is in pain and hurting,
I just want that pain to go and for me to be free.

I never thought I would be like this,
A pain where my heart used to be,
It’s the simple things that suffer,
When all I want to do is relax,
The thoughts of what they did,
And the hurtful words she said come flooding back.

Does she know the effect?
Would she care?
Would it make her laugh?
Did she set out to cause this hurt?
Did part of her want to simply cause as much pain as possible.
Questions, questions, questions but no answers are to come forth.

There were so many happy times,
I don’t believe in perfection but we both thought we were meant to be,
We believed that we could never end,
I loved my life,
I loved everything in it and that special person that made me complete.

The day she told me was a dagger through my heart,
For a second I couldn’t breathe,
The next moment I wanted to explode,
I trusted them to be friends,
And discovered that they did disgusting things that I thought was special between me and my girlfriend.

Eventually she said she was sorry,
I loved her so forgave her,
Why did I believe her?
Because I thought so highly of her,
I thought anyone can make a mistake,
She wouldn’t deceive me twice.

How wrong I was,
Just a week later,
She came home and told me it was over,
Her heart had turned so cold now,
I couldn’t deal with it and I broke,
My heart smashed to pieces,
A plate smashed to pieces,
My life had lost all meaning,
And there she was smiling with glee.

I look back a month later,
I still ask questions,
But no answers,
Why? How? When? Where,
It’s no good asking these questions,
But my mind needs to know and I can’t move on.