Drowning in Puddles

The shadow in my heart, stops me when begin to start
Weighing heavy in my chest, emotion wells up infinite
Stifling my pain is no answer to this game
Reaching out for my soul back, to be human to interact
the gulf between our piers has much to say
One feeling i did express, didn't think it'd bring such emptiness
Lessons learnt from the old brew, I played out the redo
How I forget the promise I made myself
Burnt into my mind, moments of past times
Inebriated cos I miss you, instead of working out the issue.
This arrow in my heart has festered from the start
A contagion of my shame but dare place no blame
How can I explain, my actions, I dismay
More than just a score, fulfilling my need of a paramour
Changed me true, when you let me into you
But hearts to hearts are nothing, when minds are set to bluffing
Could be sorry for what I've done, apologize for what I've become
Nothing will change the fact
You asked me to lay down my sword if only I knew what that foretold
To bridle any beast, you must break it purposefully
I dropped to my knees, head hung listlessly
I excepted your conditions of parley
The ransom was my heart, you demanded a man to love
But disease had crept in, as I lost my vision
Too starved to feast, broken in disarray
My mind was made up, push on to what must be done
Awakened in my head but lost of all resistance
Led done the wrong road by influence
Determined i did try, to break the bonds of this lie
To put you through the pain, I had felt from the first day
Wasn't fair to say the least
In this bed I made, I do lay
Every day a new way, to confront what makes me whole
Alone at night uncomforted, wish away this nothingness
Empty pit inside this hole, blackened in and out
Creating what I must be about
Afresh anew looking for a screw
Akin to crawling underleaf, only to fly away within a week
A man must stand strong, impervious to all that is wrong
Like a wave upon a rock, a little bit gone with every flow
Another touch of the hollow
Every grain a story to tell, how stumbled but never fell
Packed in by gravity on this beach of calamity
As ages bond, we stand in the end