Health Anxiety and Her

Everyone worries.
Everyone gets scared.
That's all fair enough, everyone cares,
But where do you draw the line, between a fine level of worry and blind anxiety?
Well,
When you're aware of every single breath of air,
Every single mole and hair,
When you check, everywhere for lumps and bumps and as for risk taking, you wouldn't dare!
I live every single day with at least some fear,
Worrying about all the little things that I hear,
About why I have a lump behind my left ear,
And even before the day is done I'm dreaming of the all clear,
And this is how I live my life,
My mind is balanced on a knife edge,
It's standing on a ledge half hoping for something to kick it from behind
and send it falling through the air so I can finally feel what it's like to experience
the pain at the end of the anxiety tunnel that I am constantly trapped inside of,
Trapped, that actually sounds like there's something there doesn't it?
Like bars, or rope, or wire, but no, there is nothing but a burning desire to escape invisible fire that surrounds my dire thoughts on things that my friends tire
of hearing me complain about,
A bout of vomiting, I must be dying,
A bout of dizziness, I must be dying,
A headache, a stomach ache, I must be dying,
But, but
But one day my tired mind stopped crying, the fear of dying subsided, my dark thoughts
grew wings and glided towards a light I'd never seen shine so bright,
She had changed everything,
Don't ask me how because the truth is I don't know,
All I know is with her, I'm not afraid to take those risks,
I'm still aware of every breath of air but it's because I care and
not because I'm scared it's the last one that me and this life may share,
I'm unaware of the war that still rages behind my eyes,
And it was to my surprise that she sees this side of me and still by my side she stands to
see my fly,
And glide on a thought not blocked by a pain or sore,
Maybe, with her, I could live my life a little more,
But unfortunately that's not the case anymore,
But unfortunately, my love life is a parallel roller-coaster to the everyday thoughts within my head,
My bed is empty, my heart emptier, my head empties itself of any hope and my mind is a battleground
once again,
A battleground filled with kamikaze gunmen perfectly willing to step out into no-mans
land despite the gunshots they hear,
This is no longer a battleground where soldiers cower in fear,
They've forgotten all the hope they saw and now all they see is blood and gore but this doesn't
scare them anymore,
They have nothing to lose in this war,
They don't care if they're dying, anymore.