dirt

I want to know the exact moment you buried what we had
tamped it down with a lost-love stained boot.
did you fight back tears
did the shovel bite your hands
what I really want to know
is did you feel like giving up on everything because you couldn’t have us?

take me back to that moment
were you wearing that stupid shirt I hate
and those jeans I love with the tear in the knee?
did it rain all day (I feel like it was probably sunny, hot, empty)

I want to know the the date, the time, the second
because I want to know how much wasted effort I put in
asking you what was wrong
while you lied
and yet you still moved your body against mine
you let me scratch your back
let me kiss your head
I let you smell my skin.

take me back, take me back
so I can shovel some dirt over us too