I don't understand...

So here I am,
Ready to self harm yet once again.
But I can't bring myself to draw a line,
Across my skin.
The wait is almost over,
Not long now.
But I think I'm just fooling myself.
Because when I come to think of it,
The wait has only just began.
She thinks I'll be alright,
And I'll pull through.
I don't think she knows me at all,
I'm weaker than that by far.
Why is it not simple?
How much more can I take?
How much longer can (I) go along with this,
Torment.... This hurt... This pain...
I (don't) know...
Because I don't (understand) this situation.
Why is it so different to all the other times?
When you're around me, I don't feel (this) anymore.
When you're gone, I feel nothing at all.
Numb, cold, lost and slowly dying...
The fear you will put into my heart,
When you say it's over,
Is something I'll never forget.
It will be something I'll never be able to forgive.
Laying in a bath full of blood and sorrow,
I don't know if there will be a tomorrow.
There's no way to show you,
What I feel...
So I guess you'll never know...