A rant for the record book

I desire to be alone
I want so fucking badly
To be alone
To tell every one to fuck off
And live a life of painful solitude

But I can't

Because I need people

I fucking hate that I need people
And I'm so fucking tired of being strong
I'm tired of being okay...

Okay with the fact that my family can't stand me
Or who the fuck I am
I will never...
Ever please my grandparents..
Great grandparents.
Parents.
Because I'm a fucking disappointment


I'm sick of being strong
Emotionally;
I can withstand anything
with a goddamn smile
I wish it wasn't like that

I hate to love

Because I had my heart ripped out
By the love of my life
Even though I hate her...
no matter who I date
I can't help but thinking
She is better

If god is real, I hope he knows

I fucking hate him;
For stealing a life from me
For making me a target
I hate him for giving me these desires
That are inhuman
I hate myself for not being able
To just move on

I hate my father
For all that he has done to me
Hes abused me physically and mentally

I hate today...
Today poetry failed me
Today I eased my own pain

Today I cut myself..
For the first time in years.