Suicide nights

Suicide seduce's me , promising to smother the pain.
A definite  ending to the relentless noise .
An offer that would seem far too irresistible to deny .
Little capsules of poison slither down my throat .
no conviction nor the  courage .
the countless attempts teasing my mind .
death dances through my veins and flutters through my heart.

Maybe it's the thrill of the chase .
The poison undresses the life inside of me.
Pleasuring my demons.
Layer by layer ,feeding my hunger for death , but only a little taste .
I'm never quite satisfied .
Primal instincts for survival have been drowned by a flood of hatred.
i long to go all the way but my greed is too overwhelming.
I want to feel death seep into my blood time and time again .
I I'm not ready to give a final goodnight kiss to suicide .
not yet.