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Bob hits his wife
Bob hits his wife (A poem about escalation with two different endings):
she sighs an awkward silence,
he growls a rooted violence.
she throws around her nasty words,
that he pretends he hasn't heard.
option 1
she lashes out in cries and screams,
he presents to her his newfound dreams.
and comforts her in open arm.
inviting, loving and warm.
option 2
she lashes out in cries and screams,
his anger rises to extremes.
he hits her hard upon the head.
she bleeds, she falls....she's dead.
she sighs an awkward silence,
he growls a rooted violence.
she throws around her nasty words,
that he pretends he hasn't heard.
option 1
she lashes out in cries and screams,
he presents to her his newfound dreams.
and comforts her in open arm.
inviting, loving and warm.
option 2
she lashes out in cries and screams,
his anger rises to extremes.
he hits her hard upon the head.
she bleeds, she falls....she's dead.
Published 18th Dec 2013
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
22nd Dec 2013 4:27am
I am sw9618, the one who responded to your forum post. Anyway, you ask for honest critique so here it is: by saying option 1 and option 2 throws the flow off balance of this piece. By also telling your reader that it has different endings and that it is about escalation tells your reader too much. Your reader is supposed to develop their own meaning. Your job is to compress meaning with the use of diction, metaphor, symbolism, and other literary/devices. In between stanzas 2 and 3 have the word "or." I like the rhyme scheme here and you have good tone for your characters. This is my first read of yours and I liked it. I am going to read another...
22nd Dec 2013 6:57am
