I’m Denying Any Hope

It is so close to a garden,
Trampled feet persuading attention
that you take to the bench
despite the roaring of warning.
You’ve made yourself comfortable
among the tallest of trees
attempting to catch glimpses
between each of the leaves.

But I’m not there
and I won’t stay
where metal and molded
binds me away.
I’ve got sand in my veins
and waves in my soul
and I’m begging you begging you
please let me go!

I’m afraid of these whispers
attached to the clouds
where wondering and waiting
have broken me down.

You’re not invited to sit,
that space isn’t free
this bench is my haunting
just let me be.
I’ve grown fond of the quiet
where deep surges roll
know the burden of silence
have paid twice it’s toll.

The stains on my hands
these dark spots on my knees,
the only life I can witness
blood that I bleed.
I’ve lived a thousand deaths
in years I can’t escape,
shed a million breaths
through a smile that is fake.

These muscles have faded
teeth grinding stone
and I’m planting and weeding
for the chance of a home.
I’m collecting silver linings,
pasting Before on my feet
as I flee the falsities of Ever After –
I can never admit that I wish we would meet.