escape

the smoke curls out of my mouth,
disappearing into the ether, much like my thoughts.
the heat lines above the lighter flame
blur what i see in the mirror.
(is what i see reality?)

i thought i gave this up...?

the room feels warmer
or maybe it's just me
and i feel that smile, itching at the corners of my lips
my relentless optimism tearing,
fighting to break free

with peace in my system,
flowing through my veins,
a steady coursing river growing louder in my ears, rushing;
it is easier, now, for me to let go.

the anger that consumes me
for a brief, blessed while
lets her jaws loosen,
her jagged, flawed teeth separating just enough
for me to make my escape.

i escape into a world so big, it is overstimulating

when i am not ruled by my anger,
each decision seems monumentous.
but i have all the time in the world.
(if only that were true)