Out w/ the dumb crap they call emotions

 
They got together,
I'm glad she's happy.
Exaggeration, it broke my heart asunder,
Glad I had my wits about me.

I could never give what he can,
not now when I'm busy w/ fam and the predicament
of this stupid house, and our other stupid house
and my stupid siblings sucking up attention
And even then she 100% loves him,
I would never get in the way of that.


From what I know
He gets her blood hot and rushing.
Like a sugar rush
what he gives is addicting
and sweet and warm and comforting.
It's admirable

And yet,
thinking of it fills me with deep sighs.
I cant describe what I feel,
Sad, regretful, happy? Not quite

Maybe I'm just blank?
Keeping it in has got me spaced out
And by “t” I mean the feels,
Jealousy, anger, frustration? I cant get it out

Cant get out a description of how I feel.
One things for sure, I know I'm slightly hurt,
okay way honest, don’t know why but, I'm way hurt.
My heart aches hidden by pretense happiness and facial expressions
as well as the words I say.

And to myself I'm just asking.

Oh why did I fall in love?
Why do I ever love/fall in love?

I want to say 'it's stupid but it's not.
I want to say the situations all great
all joyful, and just plain awesome...
But for me it's not.


I think to myself
I'm her best friend 1st
And that is all that matters.
But oh does my heart hurt.

I'd be lying if I said
I'm okay w/out her.
That I can give up the feels of wanting her.
I can move to some other girls and relations
with no worries.

It'd  only be a temporary patch
my heart is bleeding slowly
like the ink flowing from this pen.

And I don’t know how to heal it for real
Don’t know what's wrong w/ me in the 1st place.

Don’t think I can get with anyone right now,
The relation would be bogus like all fall backs.

Maybe the blank feeling is a way to block out the pain?
W/e

Even if deep down and honestly
it hurts.
Idc for all that as long as she's happy and wont get hurt.

Fell asleep. Prt2

I'm stuck in a dumb cycle
but this should conclude it.

I'm delighted that she's happy.
In fact I'm way optimistic
about the whole thing. I wish them luck.
It gets' me smiling that she captured the guy
or rather, gave in to the love for him.

And right behind that moment of supreme vivacity
there is this darkness.
I'm quite unfortunate
to have it lurking around.

It's like.
I'm oh so sorrowful and pained
such a predicament.
I'm sad that I'm sad,
or rather, I'm sad because there’s no
shoulder to latch onto and release onto.

I'm sad because. No!
I am regretting so much cuz I can get what  desire
( who gives a fuck, lol) so pessimistic.

I want some distance between us.
But that's impossible cuz I need her too much.
I guess  just need some direction.
Wish I knew before now how she felt about me.
Then  I could move on....
I have like, a million questions, and not enough time.
But I got it out, and I'm spent and it's done with
it all, glad to get it out(all the dumb crap). So here we are. Goodnight