deepundergroundpoetry.com
No Name (yet) :)
Across this lonely
wooden bridge I walk,
high in the sky
a big brown hawk.
Soaring like an eagle
looking for prey,
over thick clouds
turning dark grey.
Farther as I walk,
I felt a drop of rain
and soon heard the echo,
of a big long train.
This is my first rhyming poem :D I just wrote it the other day for fun so I understand if it's not that great.
~~All my poems are copyright of 2012 and 2013. No part of my poems are to be copied without my permission. Thank you!
wooden bridge I walk,
high in the sky
a big brown hawk.
Soaring like an eagle
looking for prey,
over thick clouds
turning dark grey.
Farther as I walk,
I felt a drop of rain
and soon heard the echo,
of a big long train.
This is my first rhyming poem :D I just wrote it the other day for fun so I understand if it's not that great.
~~All my poems are copyright of 2012 and 2013. No part of my poems are to be copied without my permission. Thank you!
Published 15th Oct 2013
| Edited 6th Nov 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
15th Oct 2013 8:32am
Good rhyme,i like it very much.I felt a drop of rain is my fav,maybe because in this morning fell more than one drop of rain on my face:)
15th Oct 2013 2:39pm
Thank you! It's just something random I came up with the other day haha :)
well, you're right in assuming it's not that great.
ok--the first stanza is really quite good. the rhythm of the first two lines deftly paints some misery, while the contrasting shortness of the next two lines seems to imply a sort of victory--appropriate to the entrance of the hawk.
"Soaring like an eagle/
looking for prey"--a boring clash between majestic in the first line and less majestic in the second line, and it is a little bit..ugly?...
ok, the next two lines are also horrible, but i won't bother going into that--this was just for fun, after all? just for um.."shits and giggles," hmm..?
the last stanza changes the tense.
ok--the first stanza is really quite good. the rhythm of the first two lines deftly paints some misery, while the contrasting shortness of the next two lines seems to imply a sort of victory--appropriate to the entrance of the hawk.
"Soaring like an eagle/
looking for prey"--a boring clash between majestic in the first line and less majestic in the second line, and it is a little bit..ugly?...
ok, the next two lines are also horrible, but i won't bother going into that--this was just for fun, after all? just for um.."shits and giggles," hmm..?
the last stanza changes the tense.
