deepundergroundpoetry.com
wating for a lost love
what would you do if I held your hand?... What would you think if I looked deep in to your eyes??? And what would you say if held you close to my body and kissed you with nothing more than my ever cold lips??? Then simply looked at you smiled and say how do you feel???? From the moon light to the sun light.... From day and night i think of you.... Your beauty is engraved deep in to my mind... I close my eyes i can smell your sweet aroma.... And when I dream I feel your soft lips on mine... :) and sometimes i find my self looking for you.... And find my self lost... Some day I may find you... But hopefully next time you would be wating for me.... Just as I did for you.
Published 29th Sep 2013
| Edited 1st Oct 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
29th Sep 2013 5:12pm
The concept is good, but the structure and style is chaotic. If you can format it in such a way that it looks like a poem, the better. If you intend it to be prose, then start the first word with a capital letter. There's also a lot of improvement needed for grammar/spelling.
If you want, I can slice and dice it for you and rewrite it without losing your own thoughts.
Just saying...over-all you have the making of a romantic writer, and believe me nothing could go wrong if you write from the heart! :)
If you want, I can slice and dice it for you and rewrite it without losing your own thoughts.
Just saying...over-all you have the making of a romantic writer, and believe me nothing could go wrong if you write from the heart! :)
30th Sep 2013 1:05am
Thanks :) it means a lot.... I know I know.... Im a really bad speller and all my poems look crazy... But the fact of the matter is my thought them self's are put together strange... The way I white it is literally the way I think about it haha... Al so the bad spelling comes from my dyslexia.... And in school I always had a hard time with spelling... Just lately I have bean getting better... But if you like that would I would really like that... Im course on how I should go about organizing my thoughts... :)
30th Sep 2013 5:06am
Sorry to hear that you're dyslexic...I have a friend who has a similar problem, and I wrote a poem as a tribute to him: http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/82461-julian-limerick/
Sure, I'll get back to you later.
Sure, I'll get back to you later.
29th Dec 2013 4:08am
16th Jan 2014 6:07am
9th Mar 2014 5:00am
9th Mar 2014 5:13am
Anonymous
26th Apr 2014 10:16pm
very much something i feel. beautifully written!
