deepundergroundpoetry.com
domestic violent endearment
I'll leave bruises on your ass in
the shape of a hand
I'll break your cheek bone with a
backhanded swing across the face
my own broken knuckles are worth showing you
that I care
don't be defiant
do as I say
and with blood running out of your nose
and the black surrounding your eye
get on your knees before me
thank me for paving your road with discipline
and for the correction of your flaws
with this chastening
Published 9th Jan 2011
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likes 1
reading list entries 1
comments 11
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The author encourages honest critique.
9th Jan 2011 7:20pm
"my own broken knuckles are worth showing you
that I care" That's intense. No matter how violent or brutal your poems are, there's always even a tiny glimmer of care and love there...hiding :)
that I care" That's intense. No matter how violent or brutal your poems are, there's always even a tiny glimmer of care and love there...hiding :)
9th Jan 2011 8:07pm
yes dominant/submissive is not about violence its a game...a role...the way you both like to show your love. and at the end of this game you both win...as long as it's consensual :P
<3
9th Jan 2011 7:43pm
captured the control freak. women can be just as violent...just depends where you are on the food chain i guess. i can relate this to so many different things in different areas of life and relationships; good job.
most hard hitting for me:
"get on your knees before me
thank me for paving your road with discipline
and for the correction of your flaws
with this chastening"
most hard hitting for me:
"get on your knees before me
thank me for paving your road with discipline
and for the correction of your flaws
with this chastening"
9th Jan 2011 8:05pm
i love the way it ends as well. gotta give an even harder punch at the end...at least that's what i always strive for :) glad you liked it
9th Jan 2011 10:23pm
Well written, and you get a very good visual of the narrator here--not much empathy for the victim, though. But what is it, a celebration of the brute, the bully, the guy who likes to beat up on people. Of course, this is not S&M, just simply a description, albeit a good one, of brutality.
10th Jan 2011 00:17am
it's a mix between consensual s & m and taking it too far. glad you dig my style. cheers!
5th Feb 2011 1:27am
5th Feb 2011 2:01am
there is no difference between the punishment and the reward. its just the expression on my face that changes.
5th Feb 2011 1:36am
It's aggressive, stunningly so, most guys can pull of hard or relatable erotica but I haven't seen a truly sexy erotica poem, this hits it because it's backwards, that's what I like about it, far from typical. Brilliant work
5th Feb 2011 2:00am
thank you.. typical shit bores me and is beneath me not to be arrogant its just calling shit as i see it.. most of the stuff out there even by english students or graduates is just good examples of generic thought or trying to repeat what the masters have already done and poorly besides.. ah yes and ya gotta love it aggressive. i know i do
5th Feb 2011 2:02am
Agreed and though I hate it and though I am no graduate or student I do fall into generic but I certainly can't see it here and though my written work may be this far more applies to any real situation. It's not arrogance if you are informed you are good an ego comes with the territory :D
