im haunted

great this is very good... I liked it..u have put me through ur emotional roller coaster. I consider this as one of the most painful poetry that i have read in a while. this for sure going into my reading list...




cyanide

Came here via your request for feedback on the forum.

The idea is good, and I believe this was written with good intentions. However, the write does seem to suffer a little from the lack of punctuation. A few line breaks would also help digest the images here a little easier. The piece is also ridden with spelling and grammar mistakes which I have fixed below for you. There are some good images in here as well however: the face melding with tears is a good example of this. May I suggest reading some of the wealth of dark poetry on this site and learn a few tips and tricks from them to apply to your own writing. We never stop learning at the end of the day :)

The water beats down upon my face melding with my tears
The steam making my world foggy and unclear
i still feel his harsh kiss on my lips < capital letter on the I
The only thing i can feel anymore < capital letter on the I
Im so numb cold and hardened to the outside world < apostrophe on I'm
but the tears just keep falling in a never ending waterfall
I still feel his cold hands on my hips
I dont want to see the bruises upon my arms < apostrophe on don't
Still feel his warm breath upon my neck
Still feel so invaded upon
Guted open like a hunted animal < gutted instead of guted
Tears are gone nothing left inside me the shower runs cold
im no longer a girl   < apostrophe and capital letter on I'm
sweet and innocent and young
but now a woman with the truth that people can hurt with no thought at all

Thank you for the read.