Men: A User's Guide Chapter Nine / Questions G

He loves his truck, dog, boat, gun, and 4-wheeler and jet skis more than me, doesn't he?

Men need multiple signals that they are operating within the Wolf Pack.  Altogether, these signals total up to a man's being able to operate under cover. He may have 1000 disappointments and discouragements, but he must maintain the game schedule, wear team colors, and drink the obligatory amount when at male functions.  The rules are pretty strict.  You must know your number.  Your pecking order number.  You must keep pace with your number.  You must not step out of your circle.  In your pecking order group, you have your place and you must maintain it.  If you are supposed to bring the toys, buy the gas, grill the food, or bring the booze, that is your function.  A man who does not keep up falls behind.  Women may never see this at work, but once he has lost his seat at the table of men, he may sit at home and simply wait to die.  One thing for sure is that losing your ability to have sex is high on the list of powers you must have.  At the VA, you may have plenty of drinking buddies who know the deal and will be supportive, but if a man loses his mojo, he may check in his chips.  Humiliation for a man is devastating.  IF he loses his identity, he is almost as good as lost.  Breaking though these social norms for men is very difficult if he has not had the inner freedom from the Wolf Pack taught to him earlier in life.

Why won't he stop and ask for directions?

A man who does not know where he is a lost man.  That metaphor is deadly to most men.  If these seem like foolish games and you cannot understand why anyone would bother, then you have not watched men enough to understand that he will walk in the dark and freeze to death looking for the path that he knows in his bones he will only find by dumb luck.  This is first class willfulness and will probably kill him.

Why does he want sex from me, but he won't make it last long enough for me to climax?  

Fear of sexual failure is super high on the list of things that say the life of a man is over. He prides himself on his ability to function.  When guys can't get it up, it is a major dysfunction.  Women feel this same thing, but may be disconnected from it by loss of libido.  What men may experience is a lack of function although he really wants it.  His body is not responding.  Even if he no longer cares, that he can't get it up is a loss of humanity for men.

So, if he is even close to orgasm, just to make sure he does not fail to do it, he will rush at it, making it seem more important than helping his mate reach climax, and this creates a dismount problem:  How can he continue without becoming as emotional as a girl?  If he continues, he is not going to cum again unless he is young or very virile, and so the only thing to do is to roll over and go to sleep, leaving his mate to scream to herself, "WTF?"  This is all about not showing emotions.  Men are supposed to have rock hard abs, cocks, and emotions.  I lift, I fuck, and I don't care.  This makes me a very bad boy.  No frilly shit for me.  Eat it, fuck it, or forget it.  I ate it, I fucked it, and now I am forgetting it.  This is why a man who understands wants his woman to orgasm first.  If she is there already, and then he cums, the sperm will be placed where it will do the most good with the greatest chance of delivery because when she orgasms, her cervix will help the sperm make its way to the proper destination.  This is part of the pattern of porn, only the man then comes last and the entire thing is over, lights out.  That is only a halfway point in reality.  If this were operating the way it should, she is still needing her final orgasm.  That seals the deal biomechanically.

I put him through school, and now he ran off with some bimbo, why?  

Okay, what the hell is it with men and sex?  Why do they just have to have it all the time?  Well there is one addition to the problem cited before of the 400,000,000 sperm a day that men create.  They see the world in terms of themselves.  In war, rape is often used to eradicate an entire country.  How this works is that the offspring of the conquerors will be conflicted.  The females will likely side with their mothers.  The males, being a part of the Wolf Pack, will side with their fathers.  Thus, the next generation will add this land mass to the winners and that will be how the tribes are conglomerated to create nation states.

So why the bimbo?  She is an opportunity. She provides power of conquest, the feeling of still having it, and the sense that his empire is expanding.  Among men in the Wolf Pack, men like sports athletes who have had 20,000 women, their prowess with women is a greater achievement than their work on the field.  Think of it as owning property on the Monopoly board.  He did not have 20,000 relationships; he had 20,000 relations.

That a woman provided him with the opportunity to do this is a function of humanity. The loyalty issue is what you really wanted to know about.  You gave to him and now he is stealing what he got and giving it to her.  This is an honesty issue for women: Did you give it or did you exchange it for a deal in fairness? If he owes it to you, then one blow job for a hamburger on a date seems like a fair exchange.  Ready to deal?  I am calling you out, ladies.  No one owes anyone anything, and there is not going to be fairness. You have to set boundaries, and you have to allow for discussion.  If you put a discussion off and never leave room for it, then there is never an opportune time, ever.  So anytime becomes as good as any.  That's what women do when they straighten a guy's tie just before he goes on stage to deliver a major speech.  She is really saying, "Just remember who put you here. I am the man you never were pushing you out there do be the man I want you to be."  Ouch.  Best bet.  Just tell him, "Knock them dead." And stop straightening that fucking tie.

Why do I have to repeat things over and over and over to him?  

When a woman asks, "Wouldn't you rather wear your blue shirt?" in her trying to encourage him, she is on the wrong side of how to approach a man.  He makes his own decisions.  If she makes it for him, then she is the man.  He is not gay, and so he is not going to listen to that and take it as being relationship positive. It will piss him off.  You do not want the truth about whether this makes you look fat, well yes you do from your sister or best friend. From him you want to hear that it accentuates your fuckability to him.  If he says, "Yes, your ass now looks as wide as the Holland Tunnel," he is not getting any sex for a year.  And he knows it.  You on the other hand can tell him anything you want and he will still want to have sex, so you pile drive it as often as you want.  Only that Bimbo will follow you up with, "That bitch does not know what she is talking about; I love that shirt on you…now take it off, Baby."

In the meantime, what women seem to be saying is, "I want you to be a man and sometimes that means telling me, NO, so that you can take charge."  The very odd thing about this is that women end up telling men that in order for men to get the respect they want from women they need to be able to tell them to fuck off.  Most men see this as being counterproductive and counter intuitive and so they just bite the bullet and prolong the mistreatment.  What she meant to say was nothing, and what he meant to say was, "I'm wearing this, let's go."  She may not be pleased with what he is wearing but she will be thinking about how commanding he was.  File that for later.

If you want to be listened to more, stop being the bearer of bad news. Men see all that complaining as just so much road noise.  If you said, "I love you, you turn me on, let's go get in the hot tub, please fix me a drink," instead of just, "I want a drink," he would hear all of that, and be stumbling all over himself thinking, "I am going to eat that, I am going to fuck that, and I am going to forget everything else."  Like RuPaul says, "YOU got to work it, Girl."  When a drag queen is your best resource, you know you have gotten down to the fundamentals.  No one knows a man like a drag queen. It's her entire existence to know.