Don't worry I'll brush it Off

I’m used goods, I’m damaged, tossed to the side one to many times. If you look at me from the outside you would see a smiling, outgoing, fiery redhead that has everything together. But on the inside…whoa, let me tell you. Inside I am empty, a small little girl just wanting to be held, a used up paper bag crumpled and torn.

I have been through a lot with my passed relationships. Used for sex, money, a place to live, and anything else that would involve my already gentle frame to collapse. I like the hurt, I like the pain, I like the sensation of feeling alive.
But do I REALLY enjoy the hurt? Have I just taught my body to accept it? Have I learned that is what love feels like?
This is how every serial killer’s story starts! I’m not that person, I don’t have a warped sense of love, I know what affection is! Or do I?

I have learned over the years of one abusive relationship (mental, emotional, not so much physical.) after another to not let people in, how to keep at just the right distance as to not get hurt. I build walls that are practically impossible to climb or break down. My anxiety and my insecurities have taken over completely. I was completely jaded to relationships and the thought of “happily ever after.” Kids, marriage, little house on a hill…all a joke. Nothing seemed genuine anymore.

Then he walked into my life.

He told me to just brush it off. Free myself from the weights that hold me down, stand in the rain and instead of getting upset because you’re all soaking wet and cold. Stand in the rain and feel every drop wash away one problem after another, feel the cold air excite your senses and be thankful you can feel at all. He is showing me every day that I am beautiful, I deserve the best, and that I can breathe easy knowing I am his. He will take care of me and nurture me back to the strong person I was.

He is my master and I am his slave, not just my body; my heart, my soul, my trust. There are plenty of people out there all beautiful in their own way but my eyes only see him. He has given me new hope for my future and has pulled me out of my hole. He is the light at the end of the tunnel, the pleasure after the pain, the breath after suffocating for so long.
Don’t worry I’ll brush it off. The past, the pain, the fear. I am a stronger person and I thank you for that.