Life of a junkie 1/5/2013

It's 8:59 am, I went out with friends again today but I didn't really wanted to. All i wanted was to meet with a friend so we would split the cost for my drugs. I was sick all day, nose to my chin, cramps, stomach ache, joint pain, you name it, I felt it. After I lied to my mom so i can get some extra money i needed I took half a gram from my dealer, he put some extra as always and he also gave me a bump to taste it right on. I snorted that bump and called my friend.
"Hey mate, sup?"
"Hey, I am home chillin. What you up to?"
"Just taking a walk and I was thinking of coming over so we can leave together, is that ok?"
I was hoping he would say it, just say the fucking word, as the phone rang I new exactly what I wanted to listen. Don't get me wrong... I never wanted to let him try smack in the first place but he insisted so much. Part of me felt some kind of remorse that time and part of me new what was gonna happen. So the next sentence out of his mouth was.
"EEEEh... Do you wanna go to the "guy"?
I felt a soothing feeling even before I met the "guy" and at the same moment guilt.
"I am on my way there mate" I said.
"Nice man, how much will you take?"
"Just a half, I said"
"Can you get some more for me?"
"Sure man, I will ask him to cover the money and ill pay him tomorow, sure thing, be cool ill call you when I am on my way there."
"Cheers mate"
"Cheers"
So I take the sub and he picks me up.
"Sup man?
"Fine"
"The guy told me it's new stuff, killer"
"Nice!"
"Let's take a bump in the car before we get home" I said.
"Exactly min thoughts man! Line them up."
I opened the bag and I pured almost all of it on a piece of paper.
My friend went to get a coke for the awful taste and before he came back I had already snorted my line.
When he saw his he was surprised by how big it was but i told him it spilled from the bag. After we both got our lines we went home. His mom was in the living room watching tv. He made her go away, he can actually make her do anything he likes, and we chilled on the couch to watch some series.
Besides smack I used to smoke crystal, benzos, shoot coke fuck it who am I kidding. If it is illegal I would take it. But It's been a while that I am trying to quit again, even if it won't last long, I dont care, I don't want that "life" anymore. You are dead but alive at the same time. I really can't explain it.
After a while we headed for the club. He had a bottle of rum in his bag so we wouldn't have to pay for drinks. I on the other hand was dead broke. I told him i paid 30euros instead of 20 and that the score was 0.800mg instead of the 0.600 I got. We stopped at Mc d's and he paid for my meal then we picked up another friend and finnaly got to the club. Fucked up thing was i had forgoten to tell my friends to put me on the list and i really wanted those 10 euros to buy my tomorows score. Let me tell you something here, a junkie when he is thinking of the next score, can be more creative than any award winning novelist! Fuck man! I had my plan! I found a friend that was on the list that wouldn't come, waited for my other friend to come, got him in as the other guy and finnaly I offered to get his first drink. The plan was simple, trade my free drink from admision for 7euros (since I don't drink, I just score enough smack just not to be sick) and this was it! Party was fun to be fair but ain't got much to do with my story, so I will skip it and maybe when I am clean, Ill write a journal about a party. Been to lots of these parties. They are good they got lots of chicks and funny music. Ain't all parties the same though. Five minutes in and a friend comes and says that there is a chick she's into me. I was single for 8 months. 8 months in search of torpor in order to forget my ex. Shit never happened. I was crying  in my sleep seeing dreams with her, I was watching films trying not to think of her but still she was there, fuck I could't even finish the series we used to watch together. This party was definatly not the same. I first got a glimpse of her. I was kind of high but not fucked up. I will never forget what she said. "This is my number, call me tomorrow". I was like ok, this is a new time record for me. A bit later I took a look of the number, a fucking digit less than it supposed to be. FUCK. I was so fucking pissed I was swearing, but who the fuck cares, I went and asked some friends if they knew her and eventually found her facebook profile. I was thinking of her for the rest of the party. I was intrigued, I wanted to meet her. 8 months I didn't even looked at girls in that kind of way. I didn't have feelings, hidden deep inside of me coming out haunting me at night. I send a request and a message saying I was so stupid that I got the wrong number. She found it funny, something a enjoyed since that first time, She was putting those silly faces looking at me with love in her majestic green eyes, but the colour of her eyes was not why I call those eyes majestic. Her look was warmer than any shot of heroin, stronger than the best coke and a mouth you wanted to wrap your lips around like the tastiest strawberry you could imagine. For the first time in my life i felt so confident, so sure, so pretty. Drugs where not my main concern even if i had very little that day I asked her out. She emediatly said yes and the thing I loved most was that I could hear the excitment on her voice. I knew where I wanted to take her, my favourite place in the work, Akropolis where ancient Greeks used to vote new laws. But I decided to make a detour to say hello to a friend's bar nearby. Not much about the bar itself or the event, there was nothing there except her, her smile on her face was always present and the joy in her eyes could not be hidden even if she wanted to. We sat at a table outside and we decided that we could stay there for the event but we didn't actually saw any of it. We sat in front of each other at first and I started showing pictures in my phone as I couldn't even think how I should approach her. When the photos ended she show me some of hers in the camera, something that was very comforting as she saw she enjoyed this awkward moment of me, this is when I thought she is special. As I was talking with a friend standing tall and beside hers touching her carefully I suddenly went back and kissed her. When our eyes met I knew this was fucking it. 27 years all and I always thought fucking butterflies is a fairytale for little girls. I was in fucking love at first sight. She had this amazing happy look all over her, she was sparkling in joy an d this was the first true words I ever spoke with her "It was sudden but it was nice right?" and she replied "Yes, it was" trying to contain this smile. My friends came, we had some drinks and we started talking about leaving. I asked her to stay at my place and she started having stupid excuses like I have some stuff to do, I have to wake up early etc. I looked at her in the eyes and I said exactly those words. "Listen to me, I really don't do this in order to fuck you. I want to spend as many hours with you as possible." And she could tell I meant it. We had a connection, we understand each other even with a look. As we laid in bed we kissed a bit but mostly we where hugging each other speaking words of love at each others ear. At some point I start kissing her passionately and she emediately responded, I could tell she was waiting for this a long time now. After some time she is look at me, all red, breathing heavily and a face saying she wanted sex, but I told her I gave her my word and that it would be nice to wait a bit. You see, I am a fucking stupid romantic. After I wake up I sneak some H I to the bathroom I snort my fix and I go and make her breakfast in bed. She looked at me and said "This is the first time anyone made me breakfast in bed.It as bliss, sadly she had exams, 5 last courses to pass that are the hardest. And she had to leave in order to study for a test but she could't. She knew she had to but she needed to stay in bed hugging me, I also knew she had to leave. I don't know where I got the strength to do that but I looked at her and I told her "I promised you something and I only give my word when I mean to keep him. Funny thing we broke up one week later.